Eventually she chokes out, haltingly: "Everything you want from or for me could happen as well or better if I let them kill me or try spells or whatever and I came back - un-necklaced. If you want - company on welcome-trips or someone administering a New Kystle temple network or to be hugged and assured that you handled this little crisis of mine just fine - I can do that un-necklaced. If you want me to be - fulfilled and happy and busy and authentically myself - I can do that un-necklaced. You don't want me, I know that, you feel sorry for me and don't want to hurt me but that's not the same thing. There is nothing I can do or be better necklaced if you don't want me and you don't and I'm still so scared and what am I supposed to say, I didn't like dying the first time and someone else should be the test case to see if we can turn into daeva -"

And with that she breaks off into further crying.