falling ill

[keep_busy]

A few months after the business with the chalice, Annie (with a gold engagement stud in one earlobe, now receiving mail at Aldaras's apartment, and thoroughly comfortable with Being Necklaced, to the point where she's helping mold the thing towards more exacting standards for real-world-practical as well as theoretical compatibility) is in bed with some unidentified sort of head cold or flu. Aldaras doesn't have it so far, so she is snuggled under the covers while he makes her spicy soup to help clear her sinuses and because she's having a little trouble with non-liquids. He's worried, she's mostly just groggy. Zzzz.

Comments

[darkest_evening]

"They would. But - please don't do it for my sake. If you are sick of being in love with me and switching between despair and terror and lust and would like any way out, then I won't stop you. But if you're - worried that you'll say or do something to instantly drive me away, or that I'll condemn you from on high for not wanting certain things to happen in an attempt to influence your mind again, in another way - don't. I've already quite decided not to abandon you. If you haven't noticed I'm something of a stubborn bastard."

[namesthesky]

She presses her face into his chest and sobs.

[darkest_evening]

Prime is perfectly all right with being cried on for an extended period of time. He pets her hair, soothingly.

[namesthesky]

Eventually she chokes out, haltingly: "Everything you want from or for me could happen as well or better if I let them kill me or try spells or whatever and I came back - un-necklaced. If you want - company on welcome-trips or someone administering a New Kystle temple network or to be hugged and assured that you handled this little crisis of mine just fine - I can do that un-necklaced. If you want me to be - fulfilled and happy and busy and authentically myself - I can do that un-necklaced. You don't want me, I know that, you feel sorry for me and don't want to hurt me but that's not the same thing. There is nothing I can do or be better necklaced if you don't want me and you don't and I'm still so scared and what am I supposed to say, I didn't like dying the first time and someone else should be the test case to see if we can turn into daeva -"

And with that she breaks off into further crying.

[darkest_evening]

"Shh, no," he murmurs, "no, Aya, please, don't - convince yourself to die for me. I - please, it would - it would be extremely distressing. Don't. Not - not for me." His voice cracks a bit, and he takes a breath and forces evenness into it. "You've also missed something. I wouldn't have even offered to 'help with lust' after a great deal of forethought if I did not want you in some capacity. If you were a friend of mine, and I weren't willing for it to become anything else, ever, I would not let it even seem like an option." Pause. "... It is. If you're curious."

[namesthesky]

She shivers. It's hard to tell with exactly what emotion when she's clinging to him and still has her face buried in his shirt.

[darkest_evening]

He isn't going to ask. He'll just keep being cried on - that's fine. Hair pet, hair pet.

[dark_light]

Path lands nearby.

"My Isabella is still working on getting useful answers from the alethiometer about the necklace, but it occurred to her -"

[darkest_evening]

Prime does not growl. That would be beneath him. But he does glare. It turns out that he is better at it than Cypress. And possibly Yambe Akka.

"If," he says in a soft, quiet voice, "the idea is to kill and resurrect Spring, the answer is no."

[dark_light]

"It'd take two minutes, Revelation can do it so it doesn't hurt, she might wind up a daeva, it might work - why not?" says Path, hopping a step backwards.

[darkest_evening]

"It might work, indeed. But think about it this way. You can be resurrected, without the uncertainty of daeva and summoning. If you were brought back, you would be exactly as you were. Do you want to die? Because that's what you're asking her to do."

[dark_light]

"We did it with Cypress," says Path darkly. "Because he didn't like the way he came back the first time he died."

[darkest_evening]

"Yes. And, still sorry for that, but. He volunteered, correct?"

[dark_light]

"No one is planning to murder Spring. I'm mentioning that it's an option."

[darkest_evening]

"She already knows. Thank you for mentioning it as an option."

But, his eyes say, the answer is still no.

[namesthesky]

"Is it that you don't want me to do it for you," she murmurs, "or that you don't want me to do it at all?"

[darkest_evening]

"... First. But you doing it at all is also distressing, just - not enough for me to stop you," he says in a lowered tone.

[namesthesky]

"Does there exist anything I can do that won't distress you, here? I know you want me un-necklaced."

[darkest_evening]

"It is a distressing situation. I mentioned the no-win viewpoint, earlier?"

[namesthesky]

"Yes. But if we can't win, might as well - lose cheaply and efficiently."

[darkest_evening]

"Yes," he sighs.

Is that a trace of misery in his voice? Yes. Yes it is.

[dark_light]

"...Let us know if you come to a firm decision," says Path, and he flies away.

[darkest_evening]

Prime is silent.

[namesthesky]

Aya is weeping very quietly.

[darkest_evening]

He keeps holding her, throughout. But - yeah, no, silence unless prompted.