falling ill

[keep_busy]

A few months after the business with the chalice, Annie (with a gold engagement stud in one earlobe, now receiving mail at Aldaras's apartment, and thoroughly comfortable with Being Necklaced, to the point where she's helping mold the thing towards more exacting standards for real-world-practical as well as theoretical compatibility) is in bed with some unidentified sort of head cold or flu. Aldaras doesn't have it so far, so she is snuggled under the covers while he makes her spicy soup to help clear her sinuses and because she's having a little trouble with non-liquids. He's worried, she's mostly just groggy. Zzzz.

Comments

[namesthesky]

"I'm going to go with 'not necessarily'. You could probably guess why if you thought about it."

[darkest_evening]

Oop. Yes, that's a thing he could do to help.

"That - makes sense."

[namesthesky]

"Yeah."

Droop.

[darkest_evening]

Well. That's a bit heartbreaking.

His answer: scoop her up into a gentle hug.

[namesthesky]

Whimper, cling, sigh.

[darkest_evening]

"That might have made it worse, I apologize," he murmurs. "But you also looked like you desperately needed a hug."

[namesthesky]

"You can hug me whenever you want," she murmurs.

[darkest_evening]

"Thank you, but I also don't want to make your life any more difficult in doing so."

[namesthesky]

"That's not really - how I'm conceptualizing it."

[darkest_evening]

"... Are you willing to explain, or...?"

[namesthesky]

"Do you want to hear it?"

[darkest_evening]

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't."

[namesthesky]

"I just - when there aren't Adarins around the other Bells giggle about what prudes you all are and I'm not sure you thought that through in terms of whether you want to hear it as opposed to whether you ought to ask."

[darkest_evening]

"The difference between me and the other Adarins is that I have been around for five hundred years. I did not spend them locked in a closet. I can almost guarantee that whatever you're going to say, I've heard worse."

Or possibly done worse, but that's neither here, nor there.

[namesthesky]

"You having heard worse is not exactly the standard I was asking about."

[darkest_evening]

"Fair, but what I mean to say is - I'm not wandering into this blind, proclaiming with arrogance, 'Yes, I will definitely be fine.' I genuinely understand the sorts of things I can listen to, and you're not in the right genre to make me balk. If you would prefer not to tell me, that's fine, but please don't think I don't know what I'm getting into and cannot take the truth."

[namesthesky]

"Ever since I touched the necklace I've been swinging between despair and terror and lust. None of them are how I'd choose to spend all my time but the third is the most pleasant. So while it technically makes some things worse when you - hug me or anything - it is overall better."

[darkest_evening]

"Okay," agrees Prime. "I think I can help with the despair, the terror would depend on the type. Lust I would have to think about for an extended period of time to take care of personally, but please don't feel like I would, for example, be upset if you asked me to leave you alone at very convenient intervals so you could work on taking care of that."

He says this all quite casually, and hasn't pulled away from the embrace at all.

[namesthesky]

"Any minute now one of my alts is going to come find me and say have you considered that we could try killing you."

[darkest_evening]

Okay, that gets a reaction out of him. The reaction is snuggling her closer.

"I think that falls under causing you distress," he says almost lightly, but there's an edge to his voice.

[namesthesky]

"They'd have a point," she mutters, but she clings.

[darkest_evening]

"They would. But - please don't do it for my sake. If you are sick of being in love with me and switching between despair and terror and lust and would like any way out, then I won't stop you. But if you're - worried that you'll say or do something to instantly drive me away, or that I'll condemn you from on high for not wanting certain things to happen in an attempt to influence your mind again, in another way - don't. I've already quite decided not to abandon you. If you haven't noticed I'm something of a stubborn bastard."

[namesthesky]

She presses her face into his chest and sobs.

[darkest_evening]

Prime is perfectly all right with being cried on for an extended period of time. He pets her hair, soothingly.

[namesthesky]

Eventually she chokes out, haltingly: "Everything you want from or for me could happen as well or better if I let them kill me or try spells or whatever and I came back - un-necklaced. If you want - company on welcome-trips or someone administering a New Kystle temple network or to be hugged and assured that you handled this little crisis of mine just fine - I can do that un-necklaced. If you want me to be - fulfilled and happy and busy and authentically myself - I can do that un-necklaced. You don't want me, I know that, you feel sorry for me and don't want to hurt me but that's not the same thing. There is nothing I can do or be better necklaced if you don't want me and you don't and I'm still so scared and what am I supposed to say, I didn't like dying the first time and someone else should be the test case to see if we can turn into daeva -"

And with that she breaks off into further crying.